Friendship is not the cherry on top

Written by on February 17, 2016

Friendship does not grow naturally out of the fast-paced, competitive, and isolated lives so many of us live. In reality, our work priorities and our household busy-ness most often stand against the cultivation of deep friendship. Yet it is friendship that most often describes an essential condition for Christian maturity. As we make space for a common sharing, honoring, and enjoying  of life, something of the Spirit’s nurturing grace is imparted to us.


It is Eugene Peterson’s words on the importance of friendship that has been resonating with me again over the past ten days. In his book Leap Over A Wall: Earthy Spirituality for Everyday Christians, Peterson insightfully describes our deep need for fellow travelers along the way of following Jesus. He writes,

            Each of us has contact with hundreds of people who never look beyond our surface appearance. We have dealings with hundreds of people who the moment they set eyes on us begin calculating what use we can be to them, what they can get out of us. We meet hundreds of people who take one look at us, make a snap judgment, and then slot us into a category so that they won’t have to deal with us as persons. They treat us as something less than we are; and if we’re in constant association with them, we become less.

            And then someone enters into our life who isn’t looking for someone to use, is leisurely enough to find out what’s really going on in us, is secure enough not to exploit our weaknesses or attack our strengths, recognizes our inner life and understands the difficulty of living out our inner convictions, confirms what is deepest within us. A friend (54-55).

The tale of an individual human life is too often told as a sequence of independent and unshared moments. And our hearts cry out. We long to know and be known more intimately. We desire deeper, more enduring, and meaningful relationships. And without these sorts of friendships our good intentions to mature into wise, loving, joyful, and resilient people never materialize. Friendship is not “a cherry on top” of the Christian life; it is an essential condition for a life of maturing into Christ. 


So, with whom are you traveling on this journey? Who are the people with whom you are learning to live life together? Who are your spiritual friends? 

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  1. Lori Rasmussen   On   February 24, 2016 at 9:09 am

    Right before that in Peterson’s words he says “The greatest thing any person can do for another is to confirm the deepest thing in him, in her-to take the time and have the discernment to see what’s most deeply there, most fully that person, and then confirm it by recognizing and encouraging it.”

    Makes me think of Jesus. Makes be want to see in others what Jesus would see.

    This book is at the top of my favorites right now! Great words Rob!

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